Evan's "Frog Prince" song (Appropriately Bowlderized for this forum)
Envision it sung by Billy Bragg.
Well everybody knows
How the story goes
The princess kisses me
And in a puff of smoke
I turn back into the bloke
That I was supposed to be
So maybe now you're wondering
What happened to the kissing?
Baby, I've been wondering too
The problem is the story's
Got a bit too much tradition
For the likes of me and you
See, in this older version
The magical reversion
Happens just from sleeping on your pillow
The kissin' isn't missed
It's just a bit anachronistic
'Cause that ain't how the fairy tale used to go
Some versions of the story're
Actually gorier
You pick my froggy body up and throw it
I guess I should not complain
At least I won't leave a stain
But, baby, you and I both know it--
This version sucks
Ths version sucks
This version sucks
This version sucks
Modernize me
Bowdlerize me
Sanitize me
Bay, modernize me
You know, Snow White
Got more action than me
When she was dead
Sleeping Beauty got some mack
With a hundred-foot stack
Of thorns 'round her bed
If I had to be a frog
I thought at least I'd get to snog
But even that's been denied to me
This effin' storyteller
Doesn't care about a feller's feelings
And that's why I've come to see
This version sucks
This version sucks
This version sucks
This version sucks
Bruno Bettelheim said that I'm
A Jungian archetype of masculinity
And he explained that you reclaim
The power of the feminine
When you decorate the wall with me
His theory was that fairy tales
Should all be sort of scary
'Cause it meets a psychological need
But blood and guts and gore and all
Don't seem so metaphorical
When you're the one that's gotta do the bleeding
This version sucks
This version sucks
This version sucks
And by the way
Bruno Bettelheim sucks
Modernize me
Bowdlerize me
Sanitize me
Baby, modernize me
Yeah, I know my curse
Could've been a lot worse
I don't have to dance 'til I die
Or tear myself in half
Or get thorns stuck in both of my eyes
But baby, I still hate it
And I wanna be updated
'Cause it's so hard to be
Sleeping here with you
And still be forced to do
Without the touch of your lips on me--
This version sucks
This version sucks
#$*@ tradition, it sucks
This version sucks
Modernize me
Bowdlerize me
Sanitize me
Baby, take your lips and modernize me
Modernize me...
